Bailout
by SuperGroverAway
Summary: When the twins get busted by local law, a friend of theirs helps out by getting a little bit creative.


"...Well, well, well." The bulgy sheriff glared disapprovingly over his sunglasses. This particular pair of miscreants didn't even live in his town, and already he felt like he had run into them these past few weeks far too many times for his liking. "Where do I even begin with you two?"

"Maybe by letting us go?" One of the hoodlums suggested with the sweetest smile she could muster.

"Nice try." He shot back. "But the cute stuff won't help you here."

Mabel doubled down by flashing him a pair of shiny doe eyes. "Pleeeease?"

"Awwww." Blubbs involuntarily cooed. It took a couple good shakes of his head for him to snap out of it. "Wait, no! No! We caught the two of you red-handed trying to break into town property. Now it's time to fess up and tell us what you were up to."

Dipper silently cursed their foul luck. As it turned out, the door down into the town library basement had been a lot closer to the cookbook section than they had realized. In theory that particular detail shouldn't have been important at all. But unfortunately for them, Blubbs and Durland had just happened to choose that day to come and read up on cupcake decorating together. After the twins accidentally alerted them their ruckus, in a flash they had been busted and unceremoniously hauled down the street to the sheriff's office.

The molded plastic chairs dug into their backs as they passed one another furtive glances. What could they say? Sure, they could actually try to carefully explain that they were investigating rumors from an old journal about the meeting house ruins of a long-gone local cult. But they could also just make up a story about how they were hunting for rhinoceros eggs. Both would sound equally believable. Dipper's mind raced.

"We were….looking for….the, uh….how-to section?" He desperately threw out a lie. "Yeah, we….we want to learn how to-"

"Start our very own small business!" Mabel elaborated with gusto. "We want to open up a vegetarian sushi truck. With an entirely locally-sourced menu! We're planning on calling it Twin Fins."

She passed her brother an unsubtle wink. The sheriff scratched his chin while he mulled their hastily assembled story.

"Gotta admit, that is a pretty catchy name. But you should know better than to just wander around like that. Don't you know what a reference desk is for?"

"We're sorry." Dipper gasped in relief. "We'll make sure to ask next time-"

He tried to get up, but sheriff pushed him right back into his seat. "You're not going anywhere. We still have you on involuntary breaking and entering."

"That's a crime?" Mabel cocked her head.

"Been so in this town for the last eight years. One of our former mayors hoped that it would help him keep his severe sleepwalking in check." Blubbs sighed, pressed his hand briefly over his chest in respectful memoriam, then resumed his scolding without missing a beat. "So you're staying right here while we-"

"Sheriff?" Durland called. "Them kids' daddy's here for 'em."

"Oooh, I not want to be in your shoes right now." The sheriff scoffed in his deep bass. The twins shrugged bewilderedly at one another they followed him out of the small back room.

A very familiar figure awaited them outside. She leaned businesslike up against the desk while stroking the bright red "mustache" strung from ear to ear across the entire width of her face. Dipper bit down hard on his lip, and Mabel only barely stopped herself from turning into a fountain of giggles.

"Thank you, officers." Wendy rumbled gruffly. After taking a moment to make sure most her long copper locks were still safely tucked beneath her trademark lumberjack cap, she crossed her arms and shot the twins a stern glare. "Now what have I told you two about sneaking around?"

As she spoke, she passed them a barely noticeable wink. Mabel was never one to pass up an opportunity to play pretend, and this was no exception. She threw herself into the performance without a moment's delay. The little brunette flapped her arms, stomped her feet and performed a very convincing mini-tantrum. "Aw, but Daaaaaaaaaad! We were just exploring!"

"We didn't mean to do anything bad! honest!" Dipper put on a believably pleading face. Almost immediately Wendy found herself fighting back the urge to laugh. The teen needed to take a deep breath before resuming the act.

"Don't 'we didn't mean to' me! Ooooh, you two are in such big trouble! I drive up all the way here to see you for the weekend, and this is what I get? After all that I've done for you kids, I never thought that you two would turn into such hoodlums! You mom and I didn't send you up here to get into shenanigans! In my day, we'd be thankful for the chance to go…"

Every now and then she paused to readjust the one long lock of hair serving temporary mustache duty. As she laid into them with a cliche-ridden lecture, the lawmen couldn't help but notice a couple things; namely, the utter lack of physical resemblance between the tweens and their pale-skinned, inexplicably youthful-looking father.

"Uh...you sure he's their dad?" Blubbs checked with his deputy.

"They take after their mother." Wendy was quick to assure.

"Ah." That made perfect sense to the sheriff. "Anyways, Mr. Pines-"

"Oh please, that's what they call me down at the office." She chuckled as gave him a strong slap on the back. "You guys can call me Rudy!"

"Rudy? Heh…." Durland warmed up fast to "his" easygoing attitude. "I like that."

"Me too." Blubbs tittered, as they fast became smitten with the gregarious parent. "Anyway, about your kids. I hate to say this, but they violated town law when they-"

"Say no more. I know exactly what to do with these two here. Lots of yardwork at their great-uncle's. Pulling weeds, cleaning gutters, scrubbing the leaves…. nothing but good, character-building work!" she shot the twins a glare before passing a shrug and a wink to the officers. "Ah, kids. Always keeping you from doing all your guy stuff. Am I right?"

"This world could do with more like you." The sheriff's plump belly quaked with laughter. This was the kind of honest, no-nonsense parenting that you definitely didn't see enough of anymore. "Sir, you're free to take them home."

"Why thank you!" Wendy's accent kept floating back and forth between burly woodsman and turn-of-the-century gentleman. With a nod she led the way out. The twins kept up the facade, making sure to wear the most believably dejected expressions possible as they hung their heads and let their shoulders droop.

The very moment they were all outside, the trio dashed down the street. Once safely out of sight and sound of the local law, the partners in crime immediately dissolved into laughter.

"Yes! Greatest thing ever!" Mabel launched herself at their friend and snared her in a crushing hug.

"That shouldn't have worked." Dipper was already bent over double and wheezing. "That so, _so_ shouldn't have worked at all."

"It was always going to work." The teen countered cockily. "C'mon dude, this is me we're talking about."

"You didn't even take your earrings off!" Just as he pointed out, her simple studs were right in their normal spot for all to see.

"Oops." Wendy's lips curled into a fiendish grin. Now that there was no need to keep up the false identity, she raised her hat and allowed her long locks to cascade free down behind her. Once she had righted her appearance, she made an overdue apology. "Sorry you guys got caught. I totally thought you were right behind me when I went out the window."

"That's okay. I'm pretty sure we're even." Dipper smiled. His sister meanwhile topped off with her hug with an extra tight forgiving squeeze.

"We're all good!" She chirped before finally letting go of the teen's crunched rib cage. Mabel looked about expectedly from her friend to her twin. "So now what do we do?"

"...You guys want to give it another go?" Dipper suggested hopefully.

Wendy cracked her knuckles and laughed,.Without another moment's delay, the intrepid investigators headed off. "I was hoping you'd say that…."

* * *

Today's investigation was _not_ going well, to say the least. Caught twice in one afternoon? Why did these officers want to learn about frosting designs so badly? Wendy rolled her eyes as she was grilled.

"Just what is it with kids today and not asking the librarian?" Blubbs scowled exasperatedly. The plump lawman tucked his hands behind his back while he paced back and forth. The unintimidated teen continued to wordlessly slouch. "It's not like the reference desk is hard to find! It's right there as soon as you walk in! What's the point of having information professionals around if you're just going to-"

"Sheriff?" The deputy interrupted the interrogation. 'Her aunt's here fer her."

Wendy's puzzlement was short-lived. Waiting out by the front desk for them was a curiously tall woman garbed in an enormous, baggy dress and sun hat combination. The teen instantly recalled seeing before in the display window at the town thrift store. Her "aunt" wobbled in a most unnatural way as she hobbled over

"Wendolyn Beatrice Margaret Corduroy II! Just what has gotten into you?" The brunette exclaimed in an exaggerated southern drawl. "Oh my stars! Officers, I can't apologize enough! Why I am just so dreadfully mortified I….mercy me, why I could just roll over and die of embarrassment right now!"

The lawmen immediately softened under her charm. "It's okay ma'am, it's nothing too serious."

"Nothing too serious? Why, this young lady just dragged the proud Corduroy name straight through the mud like a prize-winning pig on a hot June day!" Mabel lamented.

"Now, now, no need to get upset." The sheriff was quick to assure before she could work herself into a flustered tizzy. "Look, instead of pressing her with any charges, how about we release her back to you and you can show her what's what?"

"You mean it? Well ain't you two just the sweetest!" She gushed, hamming it up for all it was worth. "It's like my mama said, you can almost count on an officer to be the jewel of the buttermilk!"

"D'awwww." Durand blushed. "T'ain't nothin' ma'am."

"Wait, where are you from?" The sheriff inquired curiously. "If you don't mind me asking."

"Oh I'm just visiting for the summer, but my side of the family hails from down south. You know, by ol' Los Angeles." Mabel explained. Wendy nearly choked from holding back her laughter.

"Ah. Just curious." He bought the confident answer without question. "Anyways, you're free to go."

"Thank you kind gentlemen. C'mon now Wendolyn! Ooooh, you're getting such an earful when back home!" Wobbling about on undersized feet, Wendys "aunt" lead the way out. Once they were outside and a block away, the teenager cracked up so hard that it actually hurt a little. Mabel threw up her arms with a mighty cheer.

"Yes! Success!" She motioned eagerly for a high five. Her cackling friend smacked her palm so hard that she was accidentally sent toppling off. The unfazed preteen lay where she fell, giggling uncontrollably in triumph, "Now we're super even!"

"Yeah we are." Wendy flashed an appreciative grin at Mabel and her lower half. How that he no longer had his sister bearing down on his shoulders, a red-faced Dipper gladly took a seat. While he tried to wipe away the miniature rivulets of sweat that trickled down his forehead, he smiled sheepishly to his friend.

"H-hey."

"Okay…." Wendy knelt down to give him an affectionate shove. "Now **_that_** is something that shouldn't have worked…."

* * *

This was obviously inspired by a single scene in "Society of the Blind Eye"- I simply could not help myself. Hope you all enjoyed! - **SGA**


End file.
